Once again, Ben Roethlisberger has been accused of sexual assault, and once again it is a complete fabrication. However, this time, our incredibly reliable sources tell us that he was framed by our apparent turncoat mayor!
Little Lukey, already "welly mad at those stupid heads" for not letting him hold the trophy in the last Super Bowl parade, hatched a plan to divert attention from his latest bout of stupidity and arrogance. He apparently broke into the basement at the Cathedral of Learning and stole the bubble boy outfit. Once in possession of the of the outfit, and a handy dandy air compressor, he went to Georgia posing as our ever so modest quarterback until he found his target.
When interviewed by police, the victim described her assailant as being "huge with a big head and even bigger ego" Clearly, everyone assumed that she was talking about our quarterback, Ben "WWJD" Roethlisberger.
Luckily for him, and all of you, Luke's hi-jinks have been exposed by the crack investigative team here at You Down with P.O.B.
Ok, enough satire.
Wanna know why I don't like the Steelers as much as I used to and now follow the Pens MUCH more closely? Let's see: Cedric Wilson, James Harrison, Jeff Reed (Twice), Matt Spaeth, Ben Roethlisberger. Looks like a certain team needs to be knocked down a few pegs...
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Definately wish it was the mayor...
ReplyDeleteI know Roethlisberger isn’t exactly a big success with the ladies, doesn’t have the swagger of Beaver Falls, Joe ‘Kissing Suzie Kolber’ Namath or a Tom Brady, but come on, he didn't rape anyone.
Remember that homely girl he took to his high school prom? In all honesty, his only crime is that he is a big awkward doofus when it comes to meeting woman. Think about it. His move at that hotel in Lake Tahoe was to call the front desk and ask the girl (McNulty) to come up and fix his television. Not exactly ‘Rico Suave’.